What is Your Definition of Success?

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What does being successful simply mean? Making a lot of money? Some people equate success with having a lot of money. While there’s nothing wrong with money, and we all need it, it alone will not make you feel successful. Too many people spend their lives chasing after money, only to find that it isn’t making them happy. 

Perhaps to you success means achieving a goal at any cost. Let’s say your goal is to become a president of a big company. After many years of intense stress, worry, and an avalanche of emotional, mental, physical overload, you finally achieve your goal, along with the wealth and prestige that comes with it. Is this success??

Other people believe that having strong family and community connections results in feeling successful. Of course, these ties are an important component of a successful life, they too are not all there is.

If you consult a Webster’s dictionary defines successes as follows:

1. The favourable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.
2. The attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

Is it just me or do you think it is amazing that the word happy or happiness is not included in the definition of the word success?

Our conventional definition of success is simply achieving the goal and not enough emphasis is placed on the value of experiencing the journey, building character, and learning life lessons along the way.

The entire world can view your life as the ultimate success story, but the bottom line is this, if you are unhappy, you are not successful!

Success and happiness are synonymous, but only if you choose to life accordingly.

Creating and enjoying successful life is a combination of balancing several key areas, work, family, health and spirituality.

“The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.” ~Robert Fulghum

If you allow it and are open to it, you can learn from everyone you meet on how to be successful.

Make it a habit to study people who have achieved something you’d like to accomplish. The idea, known as modeling, is a simple, powerful way to increase performance in any area of your career or personal life and is a strategy that can be used by anyone.

Simply find someone who is achieving the kind of results you’d like in a given area and learn what she does and how she does it.

“Success requires specialized knowledge; however, it does not have to come from you. You need to have the desire, willingness, and faith to take the first step. Once you’ve done that, the next steps will begin to appear.” – Napoleon Hill

“Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is a success.” – Henry Ford 

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” ~Maya Angelou

Taking the time to define what success means to you and then tracking your activities will reward you with a life beyond anything you could have expected. What’s your definition of success?

“I am successful at work with all the joy, love, health, happiness and desire the Universe has to offer.”

Love Vanessa 💜

Don’t Wait to be Told, Be a Leader

“A leader leads by example whether he intends to or not.” ~Unknown

Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to “be somebody.” For the majority of my life, I worked very hard at being whatever I thought I needed to be in order to be a great leader amongst my peers.

I wanted so deeply to inspire and move others, and to make a difference in a way that was unforgettable. I thought being a leader meant that I had to constantly prove that I was good enough to win the acknowledgment and appreciation of others.

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”

One thing that has helped me in my work life more than anything else is my natural tendency to do whatever needs to be done without waiting to be told. I am not exactly sure when this trait was instilled in me, but for as long as I can remember, this is how I’ve been. 
Too many people in the workplace wait around for someone to tell them what to do next. 

Leaders on the other hand, take initiative and, recognizing what needs to be done, take charge and ensure that the work is completed. Leaders do not wait to be told what to do, they act!

The “It’s not my job” attitute is what keeps people from advancing in their careers and life.
If you want to rise in your company, take ownership of your job and make as many things as possible part of your area responsibility. 

We desperately need leaders, people who behave as if everything is part of their job description and who not only perform their required duties but also look for additional ways to be of more value to their employer. If you lead in this way your efforts will be recognized and rewarded by your boss. People notice those who consistently exceed what is expected of them. They also notice the slackers.
If you want to be happier, make your work more enjoyable, and rise within your company, become someone who looks for ways to improve the company, whether or not it is within the scope of your job description.

Make a practice of looking around your department or where you work and see where you can add value.
Leaders do not wait for someone else to do things. They take action. That’s why they’re leaders.

I am also learning that a real leader doesn’t try to lead, but simply becomes the kind of person who others observe, learn from, and feel inspired to follow.
A leader is a teacher by default. A leader doesn’t try to be happy all the time, but embraces every aspect of his or her process, quietly shining the light for others to do the same.

A leader simply is.

I believe we are all leaders inside. I believe that we all have something to teach one another. 

What if everyone thought “What can I bring to the world?” instead of “What can I take from it?”
If we choose to awaken the leader within, then life is no longer about “us against them” or comparison, competition, and all these things that are rooted in separation and fear, which ultimately destroy us.

Instead, we can choose to quietly lead by example, from a place of wisdom, responsibility, integrity, trust, love, joy, and connection to each other.

As our inner leader awakens, we will know that who and what we really are and what we contributedoes make a difference. I am already somebody. You are already somebody.

I am a leader!

Vanessa 💜

Dress for Success

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“Every day, I dress for success and look my best.” – John F. Demartini

The old saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover” may be true, but designers around the world have created an industry betting that people do judge and purchase products based on how they look. And career counselors still advise their clients to dress for the job they want and not the job they currently have. Counselors know that people are evaluated by their appearance, and they want their clients to gain a nonverbal advantage by already “looking the part.”

Office appropriate attire has certainly changed over the years. Formal business suits aren’t a requirement in many workplaces, but the options available often lead to some questionable choices.

Clothes make a strong visual statement about how you see yourself. Comfort may aid productivity but, in this era of “Me, Myself and I Inc.” and “Me, Me, Me Ltd.” are flip-flops, sweats, jeans, and flashy or revealing clothing part of how you want to be judged? You might think you are expressing your individuality, but you could also be sending the message that you’re not a serious professional.

I learnt a lot from Mary Kay Ash, and the amazing women who have their own businesses!! They have their yearly seminar this weekend and if you are downtown Toronto you will get to see the best dressed women in the business, enjoy!!

“We’re not going to class reunion; we’re not going to a bar; we’re not out to attract men. We are building a business, so doesn’t it make sense that we would understand the psychology of dressing appropriately for the occasion.” -Mary Kay

Mary Kay advice:

• Spend money on a professional looking wardrobe. Don’t be too trendy in your wardrobe.  You create an impression in the first 6 seconds.  This is not an option if you want to succeed.  Fashionable doesn’t always mean professional. 
• Wear dresses, suits or skirts, and blouses.
• Wear hose. Keep an extra pair of sheer hose and black hose in your glove compartment.
• Wear comfortable, mid-heel shoes ‘ closed toe and closed heel.
• Wear your hair in a career style. Long hair should be worn up or tied back so that it is not flipping around and you are not messing with it when you work.
• Don’t wear sleeveless blouses or dresses except under jackets.
• Don’t wear sandals or open toe shoes.
• Don’t carry both a purse and a briefcase. Carry it in your left hand leaving the right hand free.
• Don’t slum your verbage.
• No elbows on the table
• Open bread with a fork to butter it
• When leaving the table during a meal and not planning to return, place your napkin to the left of the plate ‘ on the chair if you plan to return.
• Be sure clothes fit well. Be careful of how much skin is exposed.
• Shoes should not be lighter than the hem of the skirt
• Hose should be the same color or lighter than hemline. Mary Kay would ask if we knew the number one rule about pantyhose ‘ she loved to remind us that the number one rule was to ‘wear them’.

Mary Kay once sent her directors a magazine article entitled ‘Making It Clothing Makes the Woman’ by John Molloy. She had hand written this note at the bottom ‘Isn’t it wonderful to know that we have been right all along ‘ in maintaining a feminine image in our co” She signed her name.

‘Women: if you want to wear the pants in your office ‘ don’t. When we begin to lower standards in one area, we will see others lower them even lower. Each time we lower standards we move farther and farther away from the company that Mary Kay established.  We must do our part to uphold everything she gave us.  We are one generation away from losing the company that Mary Kay built.  Our image is just one aspect of what we must preserve.  There is the Golden Rule philosophy; the Go Give principles; and others. For today, our image sets us apart ‘ we are complimented on our dress code. Make good impressions on people in every way you can.  Professional dress is just a small part of it, but it is a very important part.  When we lower the standard in this area, it just gives someone permission to lower it in another area.

You are the President of your company so dress the part. Go visit any successful million dollar corporation and check out how the President dresses.  Go to a dollar boutique and check out how the manager is dressed.  Which do you want ‘ Million dollar corporation or dollar store’

Where image is concerned, we have never done it because we were required to. So, we won’t stop just because we have permission to. Love those Mary Kay ladies, amazing group!!

We have all heard the familiar saying “dress for success.” But what does dressing for success really entail?
In a business setting, your appearance matters. Your image educates others on how you want to be approached. Every time you go out, you reflect an image that tells others how to treat you. They are sizing you up and making an assumption of what you do for a living, your income level and your current level of success in life based solely on your appearance.

Successful people maintain an impeccable image. Why? Because they know that their image is part of their brand. Your image is an outside indicator of who you are as a person. A big part of advancing in life is looking the part. This is especially true as a business owner. A keen sense of style when it comes to your image can lead to greater opportunities and higher levels of success.

Your personal appearance has a great effect on your income opportunities. You have to consistently keep your image fresh to continue to grow your business. Dress for where you want to go, not just where you are. What do people in higher positions wear? Observe, and follow their lead. 

To dress for success, start by cleaning out your closet. Edit out everything that is torn, old, misshapen and that doesn’t fit. Once you’re done, go through all of the remaining items and put together outfits that take your appearance up a notch.

To make your closet more functional, it must be neat and organized. Get matching hangers, and arrange items by type (pants, skirts, etc.). Organize shoes by color so that you can easily pair them with your outfits. Keep your jewelry visible instead of tucking it away. You are more likely to accessorize if everything is displayed nicely.

Then, play dress-up for a week. Wear your best looks to business meetings and everywhere you go. Keep a journal of the reactions you get from others, (yep, here I go again with journals…I will convert the unconverted). People will take notice when you start dressing your best. New opportunities will also come for you and your business because of your improved appearance. Not only that, but dressing up is a great confidence and self-esteem booster.

When shopping, choose quality over quantity. Buy the best that you can afford. Also, buying in bulk isn’t just for groceries and you can do this for your wardrobe too. Buy a few so that you have a backup. If there is a particular kind of undergarment you love that helps you look really smooth under your clothes, stock up and buy in bulk. When you find any clothing staple that you love, buy more than one. Doing this helps you stay dressed for success.

Whether meeting with clients, doing presentations, or in interviews, always dress to impress. In order to do this, you’ll have to prepare in advance. Get your outfits together at least the night before. Have them ironed and ready to go, including shoes and accessories. Wear only your best-fitting outfits — always try them on ahead of time to make sure you like the way you look in them. You are sending out to the public the same vibe that you are feeling inside, so make sure you’re feeling good about yourself so others will pick up on that message as well.

Clothing has an effect on both the wearer and the observer. 

Experiment with your appearance. Notice how people react to you when you wear certain colors or styles. Then, based on those reactions and your career goals, you can make an informed decision about how you want to “package” yourself. Change your hair style and watch how many compliments you will get!

When you look your best, you perform at your best. Make a decision right now to upgrade your image and write an affirmation concerning your new look. Write down what you want people to say about you. Include a description of how you feel when you dress your absolute best. Speak the affirmation to yourself in the mirror every day before leaving the house (yep, more mirror work people). Affirming your image upgrade aloud will help you make a change in your heart as well as on the outside. “I am grateful for my healthy body, my clothing fits my body perfectly and I am dressed for success for everything I do,  each and every day”

Beautify yourself and upgrade your personal image. When you look good, you feel good. To attract your ideal clients, you have to upgrade to their level. Even if you work from a home office, dress to impress at your desk. Get up every day and dress as though you have important business meetings to attend and even if they are just conference calls you’ll be taking at your desk. Take your image beyond your ideal client and you want to look and feel like you can do business on that level. You will speak and act with more confidence when you do this, and it will shine through in your business interactions.

You’ll find it much easier to meet new people, express yourself, present in meetings and even close the deal when you are looking and feeling your best. Do something today to upgrade your look so you can dress for success!

Love Vanessa 💜

Arrive at Work Early

Why bother showing up early when you can blame any number of things for “making” you late? There’s traffic, a convenient ally when you need her. A distant cousin to traffic would be a highway accident, which of course creates traffic. Then there’s the blatantly obvious excuse of sleeping through the alarm which causes you to get on the highway late and immerse yourself in…you guessed it…traffic. There is the go-train and it’s delays and what about the go-train’s brother, the subway.

If you want to be happier and more productive at work and have less stress in your life, STOP RUSHING! Disengage yourself from the very idea of “rush hour”, a term that at its very core is counterproductive word. It is very important to be able to choose how you feel when you begin your workday.

When you’re early you get the best seat on the go-train or subway. You can relax and enjoy your trip.

Depending on where you live, your plan would need to be adjusted for your local conditions. How much better would you feel if you could ease into your day, arriving at your workplace with plenty of time to spare? How would it feel to be relaxed on your journey, knowing you had ample time instead of being one of the harried, stressed-out commuters that you in downtown Toronto, early on a workday.

Why not give yourself the gift of an enjoyable morning commute? All it takes is a little planning and the willingness to leave a bit earlier. You will begin your day relaxed and be in a physical and mental state to be more productive. (You may even want to start a blog.)

When you’re early you can look over your agenda. Sure, everyday there is a to-do list and an agenda prepared for you but arriving early lets you think about what you want to cover in the meeting or throughout your day.

With all this free time you can work on your personal stuff while enjoying your coffee 🍵. When you’re early you can fix your coffee just the way you like it, maybe have some breakfast and enjoy the morning experience.

An added bonus, on your commute in you can listen to motivational talks, or programs or podcasts, this turns your commuter vehicle (whether it is a car, bus or train) into a university on wheels.

So get up early and enjoy your day, everyday!

Love Vanessa 💜

Daily To-Do List or is it a Be-Now list?

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” ~Pericles

Every day we are swamped by tasks and lists. Catch up on work. Buy groceries. Reply to those emails. Do the housework. Go to the gym. Make supper. The constant connection to social media, as amazing and valuable as it can be, adds even more tiny tasks to our never-ending to-do-lists. Upload. Download. Tweet. Reply. Blog. Comment. Follow. Pin. Update. Check-in. Watch. Like. Read. Send and tomorrow start all over again. My to-do’s is in my journal or floating around in my mind constantly. With all these never-ending tasks consuming me all day, it’s easy to become stressed, irritable, and negative, and to forget what is most important: love, happiness, kindness, laughter, and gratitude.

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

Make the proactive choice to accept what is in the now. Usually whenever I am unhappy with the now, it is usually not as bad as I think it is. What am I projecting about this situation that is making me feel so crappy? Can I be 100% certain that this perspective is true? What is another way to see this situation? To help me stay grounded during my work day and work week, I created my most important to-do list, it is the same every day so no need to stress and think, just be. Seeing this everyday reminds me of what really matters, and helps me to maintain positivity, clarity, and peace amongst the craziness.

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” ~Mother Teresa

Smile at others. There’s a pretty good chance that anyone you smile at will smile right back at you. (And if they don’t, keep smiling anyway!) Whether you smile at a loved one or smile at a stranger, it’s a great happiness booster for all involved. It will leave you feeling so good about yourself that you won’t be able to wipe the smile off of your beautiful face!

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” ~Lao Tzu

Commit an act of kindness. Give up your seat on the bus. Pay for the order of the person behind you in line at Starbucks. Buy someone flowers. Give compliments. Leave a love note on a bathroom mirror or on a seat on a train or in a clothing store fitting room. Today, with the awesomeness of social media, you can perform a kind act for a stranger without even leaving the house! Whatever you do, being kind to others is a win-win situation, and one kind act can often lead to another and another, and another, creating a ripple effect of kindness and love.

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Smile at yourself. How many times do you see your reflection in a mirror, a window each day? And how many times do you see yourself actually looking happy? Not enough. Smiling at yourself can make you feel just as good as when someone else smiles at you. You smile at your friends, your family, co-workers, neighbours, even strangers, so why not show that same love to yourself? Seeing your own smiling face in the bathroom mirror can help you strengthen your self-love, and it’s an awesome way to start your day! You know me and my mirror work…Love it…Love it…Love it..

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” – Audrey Hepburn

Laugh. Everyone loves to laugh, giggle everyday. Watch your favourite funny movie or sitcom, hang out with that friend who always puts you in hysterics and let the soulful laughs roll!

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie

Say thank you. Taking time every day to think of, or write down, everything you are grateful for is an amazing way to boost your happiness and see the world in a more positive light. I have taken the time to write down everything I am grateful for and I visit the list often and add new things, people, places…Gratitude shared is even better, so say thank you to someone who helped you out, buy a thank you card, or tweet it. Thank the Universe and God for all the blessings in your life today, and for all the blessings that are on their way.

At the end of your day, whether you have completed all your tasks or not, if you have checked everything off this to-do list, you have succeeded.

If you study highly productive people you’ll find that most make a list of the five most important things that they need to do that day, I think the above noted five are important for life and do nothing else until those five are completed, instead of writing long lists and then becoming frustrated when they can’t get it all done. An important component of this process is making a commitment to doing certain things in the upcoming week.

Once you have completed your five most important list above, and if you want to accomplish more, feel better, and be less stressed, make a habit of writing down a daily list of the three to five most important things you need to do each day for work, and do nothing else until they are completed.

“Do the one thing that you’d rather not deal with before you do anything else. The personal power you’ll feel when you do this will motivate you to take on the remainder of your tasks for the day.” – Brian Tracy

This seemingly simple act can greatly boost your success and enable you to accomplish the tasks that are truly important to your future.

Each day, make a list in your journal, phone or laptop of no more than five tasks that are the most important for you to do at work. Do them before anything else, and watch your productivity soar.

 Love Vanessa 💜

Simplify Your Life

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“Life is actually really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” ~Confucius

While I have always piled a lot on my plate professionally, I’ve recently introduced more varied elements. I’ve noticed that the biggest complication to my life isn’t necessarily the full, varied schedule; it’s how I think about that busy schedule. Sometimes I let my to-do list overwhelm me, carrying the weight of the whole through all of the parts. So, instead of just answering, I am planning to be more efficient so that I can get everything done without having to worry so much. Fingers and toes crossed. I also remind myself that I can’t worry my way out of worrying, it’s not going to happen, so the most effective use of any moment is to fully do whatever it is I’m doing. The rest will get done later and STOP worrying.

The first step in simplifying my life starts with how I think about it. Hmmmm, what do I think…..As I am always looking for ways to reduce stress and simplify my work life, I came across a few tidbits to help me simplify my life and reduce my stress:

Make decisions in accordance with your values. If you are unsure about what your values are, read yesterday’s blog…hello, I blogged about it yesterday LOL.

Get proactive with complaints or let them go. Every once in a while I need to vent to express my feelings about things that trouble me and yes, even perfect Vanessa, needs to vent, and sometimes it’s a proactive way to find solutions, again I said sometimes! Most of the time, it’s an energy drainer that brings other people down and saps both productivity and creativity. I am working on saving my energy by focusing on creating change in my life. If there is no fix…focus on doing what you do well. That way, you’re more likely to work your way to a viable solution instead of complaining your way further away from one.

Learn to prioritize. Now that I work in my own office, I start each morning with an idea of my top five values, and then I accomplish those first.  This gives me full energy and attention to the things that matter to me most, saving less important tasks for the end of the day with full awareness some may not get done.

If you are like me, when you work for someone else, you regularly ask your boss, “What are the top work priorities?” Then you let him know that you will commit yourself to doing them to the best of your ability, and that might mean that other things would need to wait or be reassigned. When you are good at your job, this works.

Limit your time and then strive to work efficiently within it. “The work expands to fill the time available for its completion.” If you allow yourself to work all night, you’ll probably find you always have a ton to do. I’ve noticed that if I think I am going to work late, I will take more breaks during the day because I know I have the time. If I commit to doing something socially after work, I work more effectively before then.

Say “no” when you have the option. It’s great to be helpful to co-workers, but no one else can regulate your schedule but you. I find this hard as I have a compulsion to say yes to everyone and like I have said in the past, a co-worker has told me I need a “no” button .

But the only way to create balance in my life is to make my own needs a priority. That means I can’t always say yes when someone wants my opinion on their work. One thing I’ve been trying out recently is offering a still-helpful alternative instead of saying flat out no, “I can’t talk on the phone right now, but yes, I can answer a question or two by email within a week.”

Stay in your own business. Definition of “your own business” is the realm of things you can directly influence. Definition of “mind your own business” is where the things you can’t control are generally other people’s business. Example of “mind your own business” is when your co-worker is running late for a meeting or your co-worker is always coming in late, or your boss signing a client who rubs you the wrong way. So stressing about “mind your own business” is a waste of your energy. Focus on “your own business” and the things you can influence.

Organize your workspace. Let me tell you, my old desk was a DISASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! with a capital D all over it and so was my mind. My new office is clean, organized and I file everything that day, it is true what the studies show that your work environment has a profound effect on both your state of mind and productivity. If you don’t use it regularly and it doesn’t help you do your job more effectively, put it away! Yep, those 80 pens, put 75 of them away!! Keep a few personal items to feel comfortable and uncluttered! I think of your desk as your computer’s bedroom, oh la la. Would you sleep surrounded by fifty different items? NO, awww look I said No! 😎

Reduce tech distractions. It seems we’re all trained to respond quickly, sometimes even instantaneously, to all forms of incoming communications. Yep, I am guilty of instantaneous email responses! I even have my email notify me the second I receive an email. Yep, not cool and very stressful! Ioften feel I need to respond to everything right now, as if it’s all incredibly urgent. I work better when I allow myself to achieve a state of flow.

Simplify email. Integrate email accounts, respond to all (or most) emails in five sentences or less, and check emails at set times (as opposed to responding constantly to the stream). This one is difficult for me as I am an INSTANTANEOUS EMAIL RESPONSE GAL. Also, unsubscribe to blogs or newsletters that don’t provide you with information that you regularly apply to your life or work. If you’re reading it but it’s not inspiring you enough to translate into action, it’s not worth consuming. This is something on my list to do unsubscribe to 75% of my personal emails.

Single-task. “Living effectively is like driving at night with your headlights on, you can only see what’s right in front of you, but most of the time, that’s all you really need.” As long as I have daily to-do lists, I am going to feel tempted to try to cross things off more quickly. The more things I do at once, the less of my attention is given to each task, which oftentimes means I do it poorly and end up having to do it again. Yep, one day I redrafted and printed a letter 5 times cause I didn’t take the time to proofread before printing it. It’s not always easy to carry full awareness through the work day, particularly when your mind feels even more cluttered than your desk and calendar. In other words, clean your desk!

If we start from within and then slowly transform without, everything will become a lot simpler. And Vanessa wants simpler..it is one of my values!

Love Vanessa 💜

Ask the Bigger Question

The best way of getting what I want is thinking about my question/request before I actually make it.
The big reason many people fail to get what they want in life and at work is that they are too afraid to ask or they view their requests as all-or-nothing, instead of a series of negotiations and compromises.

Guess what, the secret is there is a middle ground and successful people use this ground all the time.

My Steps to Success and Asking the Bigger Questions:

I begin with organizing my thoughts. At any given time I have thoughts flying around in my head…..zoom…..zoom…. I can’t expect to get the results I want if the other person doesn’t understand my request.

You know me and my journals, I started to write out exactly what I wanted. Then I redraft my points and scribbles until my reasoning is clear, in order and can be easily
related. I sometime practice in front of a mirror, you are probably thinking, OH BOY, there she goes again with the mirror but honestly, mirror work has transformed my life!!

I don’t often discuss my points with friends as I fear their reaction, silly it is and that brings me to the next point.

I tell myself there is nothing to fear except fear itself, over and over. Fear of punishment or rejection is why most people hesitate to ask for what they want. I know it is why I don’t always ask for what I am worth or want. This is why before I make my request, I normally take plenty of time to remind myself of the importance of what I am asking for. “I am worthy of all the good the Universe has to offer.” I tell myself the only thing that matters is whether or not I am making good and well-spoken points. By focusing on the merits of my request and not on how I will appear to others, many of my initial fears will fade away.

Before I begin to try and sell others, I must first sell to myself. This is a big fear with people, including myself.  In asking for what I want in life and work and actually getting it, it is very important that I have self-confidence and determination. Unless I believe in my heart that I will eventually win over that other person, I will become troubled at the first sign of resistance and yes, resistance loves to show up and say “HI”. An extreme emotional reaction, like getting frustrated, angry, agitated or cranky, to any hurdle will doom my mission in getting my point across and fear will begin to set in and cause the other person to take me and my points less seriously and loss interest. So I am learning to tell myself from the get-go that I may not immediately get what I want. The statement is not the same as saying that you will never succeed, which could hurt your morale and determination. Instead, I am merely facing reality and accepting the fact that I may face a setback and that the Universe may have something bigger and better than I can imagine. By acknowledging this possibility, I will not be surprised or upset if I am turned down.

When I ask, I ask from my heart. All of my important requests are always passionate, friendly, polite and firm. Makes me irresistible, oh ya baby, and my stance is difficult to resist. I minimizes the chance that my personality or attitude will sabotage my request. This can’t be about me, my personality is amazing!!! Must be someone else 🙂 I always ask in an enthusiastic manner and voice with steady eye contact to show that I mean business, but also exhibit respect and admiration for the person to whom I am speaking too. You always have a much better chance of getting what you want when you make people feel at ease and show them that you are truly excited about what you are requesting. Passion baby!

I am always ready and prepared to deal with resistance.Even if I do everything right, I might still meet resistance. The person I am asking might want to confer with someone else before he/she makes a final decision or he/she may want to table his/her answer, hoping that I’ll retreat from my position once I have had some time to think about it or he/she might just say no. I come across these resistance tactics at work when asking for a raise. If someone resists or challenges your request, be polite and gracious. Do not lose your temper or become discouraged. I know, this is not always easy to do. Trust me, I have experienced resistance and want to scream and yell at the person. Instead of seeing the other person’s resistance as a dead end, view it as part of a continuing conversation. Translate every no into a next. Realize a no doesn’t mean stop, it simply means not yet or try harder.

I have learnt the art of saying “thank you”. Whether or not I get what I want, I always say thank you. Having gratitude will always leave the other person open to giving you what you want or more of what you want and sometime in the future. I always say “thank you” directly to the person and follow up with a written note/email. Having learnt the art of expressing gratitude, it has forced me to focus on the positive. It always keeps me from holding a grudge and being angry with the person, which is difficult to hide and only works against me in the long run.

“If you want a bigger result, ask a bigger question.” – Mark Victor Hansen

I am learning to ask focused and well-formed questions and this is one of the most powerful techniques I can employ in any situation, especially in the workplace. I am trying to use a series of empowering questions first thing in the morning as a way to start off my day feeling good about myself and the day ahead.

Some simple questions like:

• What am I grateful for today?
• What am I looking forward to today?
• What am I happy about today?
• What am I going to accomplish today?

These simple questions will enable me to begin my day on a more positive note.

In the past, like most people I asked questions like:

• Why do I have to go to work today?
• Why do I have to get out of bed so early?
• Why haven’t I won the lottery?
• Why do I have to work harder than other employees?

STOP!!!!! You heard me, STOP, THESE ARE DISEMPOWERING and do little more than undermine what good feelings you may have had but now you are in a less-than-great mental state as you begin your day. Right from the start you are defending your lack of success with a “why me?” attitude. STOP!

Highly successful people don’t ask themselves disempowering questions, they are typically the first ones in the office in the morning as they are excited about their work and their lives. They are not asking why me, they are asking how can I do this better and more effectively!

At work make it a habit of formulating powerful, intuitive questions, like:

• How could I do this better and more effectively?
• What’s great about this situation?

“The joy I find in my work is reflected in my overall happiness.”

By making a habit of using powerful, positive, engaging questions daily, I will take a huge step in managing my communication with myself and others and in making myself feel better in any given situation. I am making it a habit of tapping into the enormous capability of my mind by asking focused questions to the Universe!

Exercise: Asking the Right Questions

• Write four or five empowering questions you can ask to start off your day on the right foot.
• What new question could you apply to your greatest work challenge right now?

Love Vanessa 💜

My Values, My Rules

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“Until you make peace with who you are, you will never be content with what you have.” ~Doris Mortman

As I sit on my go train writing this, I am still in the middle of a huge shift in my life, a shift that start on January 1, 2016. The last couple of years I began to always feel exhausted, I was ill all the time, drinking and eating too much junk foods and just eating too much, and it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed in the morning to go to work. 

“You know what I felt this morning? Nothing. No passion, no spark, no faith, no heat, no nothing!” – Julie Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love. 

I didn’t realize it at the time, but as soon as I started to question my life, I subconsciously communicated to the universe that I wanted, needed and guess what things began to change.

I started looking at my current work differently, instead of looking at the negative I began to look at the positive of what I do. What I enjoyed about my work, and the Universe began to change to the positive and good things began to happen at work.

I began to then start looking at my current values, personally in my life and at work. Those values were no longer mine, they are not bad values, but they are not my values. They are not the things that are most important to me and how I live my life now.
Our values are one of the most important components of our personal development. When I say “values” in this blog I mean my principles and my qualities that I hold dear. My most important values being met dictates my happiness or unhappiness and not Webster’s dictionary definition below.

So who was I? What were my values? I had no idea.

Webster’s Dictionary definition of value

• the amount of money that something is worth : the price or cost of something
• something that can be bought for a low or fair price
• usefulness or importance

No mention about our personal values or work values.

My ten core values, the values that I now live by, are:

• Career – my happiness with my job/work as I spend 1/3 of my life at work;
• Positive/fulfilling relationships with friends and family;
• Contentment – I love the simple things, they make me feel at my most content;
• Peace – I can’t handle confrontation, drama, or unnecessary competition;
• Laughter – I love a good laugh with my friends or family, even a stranger and the odd funny film provides this for me;
• Fun – Since I started living by my values, life has become so much more fun;
• Loyalty – I am loyal to my family, friends, co-workers, neighbours, and community;
• Financial freedom – This doesn’t mean earning lots of money to me, but actually keeping life simple and living within my means;
• Passion – I need to love what I do, whether it is work, home or my free time; and
• Simplicity — This for me goes hand in hand with most of the other nine values; a simple life suits me.

Your core values play a huge part in how you decide to live your life. If you are unhappy with parts of your life or if you are suffering from stress, illnesses, and feel generally uneasy in the living of everyday life, then it might be time to go inside yourself and answer honestly the questions “What is important to me?” and “How do I want to live my life?”
Don’t EVER live by someone else’s values. This makes life hard because you are never being true to yourself. It is so easy to do this because so many people, parents, family members, and teachers have a say in how we should be living our lives, and this can mean that we develop their values and not our own.

Once you start living by your values, life shifts in the most beautiful of ways. You don’t hold on to the things that no longer serve you because you have everything you need within yourself.

Exercise 1: Uncover Your Values

In your journal, phone, laptop or whatever works best for you, answer the following questions:

• What five to ten values are most important to me in my life?
• What five to ten values are most important to me in my work?

Next prioritize your personal value list by asking, “Is this more important than that?” And so on until you have ranked the values in order of importance. If you work values are different, then prioritize them by asking the same question.

One of the reasons that so many people are unhappy is that their lives are out of alignment with their core values. Understanding your own values enables you to make decisions that will leave you feeling happier and more fulfilled. It is quite simple: if you make a decision that is out of alignment with your top values, you will be unhappy, no matter what else you do. If you align your life and work with your unique order of values, you will be happier and more productive, and you will enjoy a more satisfying and fulfilling life and work life.
Your values will change over time, as you reach a certain level of success, your values will change. It is a worth while exercise to reassess your values every few years to see how they have evolved.

Exercise 2: Uncover Your Co-Workers Values
When we uncover other’s values or understand other people’s values it will improve our communication in the workplace and will enable us to understand what drives our coworkers and how best to work with them.

When you ask a co-worker, “What’s most important to you in your work?” Their first answer will likely be their number one career value. Continue asking them, “What else is important to you at work?” If you keep asking you will uncover all of that co-workers work/career values.

If you really want to get your co-workers list of work/career values, you can then ask, “Is……..more or less important than…..?” Go through their list. Once you have this list you now know what drives your co-worker.

Why would we want our co-workers list of values, because it is a good idea to invest time in uncovering your co-workers work values, since they will be a part of determining your level of happiness.  Understanding another person’s values increases your ability to effectively communicate with them. 

Rules to Live Your Values By

No discussion about values would be complete without talking about the rules we each assign to experiencing a value. What has to happen for us to feel that a particular value is being met. 

Understanding other people’s rules, especially those closest to you, can go a long way toward ensuring better communications and more harmonious relationships.

You can increase the likelihood of bringing about your desired states simply by making sure your rules for them are easy to follow.

Some people have so many rules for what makes them happy that happiness becomes almost impossible to achieve, so they spend their lives being miserable.

Let’s flip the coin, you’ll want to make it difficult or even impossible to experience the feeling of failure. My personal rule for failure is that in order to experience it, I would have to completely give up. Since I am not about to do that, it is virtually impossible for me to fail. You may experience setbacks, but this is not failure, this is the Universe telling us there is a better way or something better is coming our way. 

Exercise 3: Discover Your Rules

In your journal, phone, laptop or whatever works best for you, next to your list of values, write one or two things that have to happen for you to feel that each value has been met.

Live by your values and you will be happy!

Love Vanessa 💜

Inspired Action

Webster’s Definition of action
1.1 : a:the initiating of a proceeding in a court of justice by which one demands or enforces one’s right; also; b:the proceeding itself

2.2 : the bringing about of an alteration by force or through a natural agency

3.3 : the manner or method of performing: a:an actor’s or speaker’s deportment or expression by means of attitude, voice, and gesture; b:the style of movement of the feet and legs (as of a horse); c:a function of the body or one of its parts

4.4 : an act of will

5.5 a : a thing done: deed; b:the accomplishment of a thing usually over a period of time, in stages, or with the possibility of repetition c plural: c: behavior, conduct <unscrupulous actions>; d:initiative, enterprise <a man of action>

6.6 a(1):an engagement between troops or ships (2):combat in war <gallantry in action>;b (1):an event or series of events forming a literary composition (2):the unfolding of the events of a drama or work of fiction:  plot (3):the movement of incidents in a plot; c: the combination of circumstances that constitute the subject matter of a painting or sculpture

7.7 a: an operating mechanism; b: the manner in which a mechanism or instrument operates

8.8 a: the price movement and trading volume of a commodity, security, or market; b: the process of betting including the offering and acceptance of a bet and determination of a winner; c: financial gain or an opportunity for financial gain <a piece of the action>

9.9: sexual activity

10.10: the most vigorous, productive, or exciting activity in a particular field, area, or group <wants to be where the action is>

Inspired action vs forced action
There’s a huge difference between taking forced action in order to make something happen and taking inspired action, which is moving with the energy in motion. The key is to recognize when you’re trying to make things happen, instead of allowing the manifestations to appear.

Forced action is action that is taken for the sole purpose of trying to make something happen, it’s action you take just because you think you should be doing something. You can tell when you’re doing this type of action because it feels forced. There will be no excitement and no motivation for this type of action. It’s going to feel like a struggle and results are going to be few and far between. Trying to take forced action is like trying to push a rock up hill; it’s an awful lot of effort and you’re not going to get very far even though you’re working really hard. On top of that, obstacles tend to start appearing left, right and centre and it seems like a classic one step forward, two steps back kind of scenario. You’re moving and acting and doing and working… but nothing seems to actually be happening. You’re spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.

Examples of “Forced” action:

• You spend a lot of time trying to figure out what actions to take. You make lists and research all the options to justify which ones are the best.
• You feel frustrated and overwhelmed. There’s just so much to do!
• You feel tired and depleted. It really feels like “work”. You don’t want to do it, but you feel that you have to.
• You are continuously stopped by roadblocks. Things just don’t seem to be moving ahead. Something is always getting in the way.
• You feel like you have to do it all. You have to make it happen.

Forced action taken from a place of impatience, from a place of fear (it won’t happen fast enough, there’s something I should be doing) is frustrating. It’s no fun, you make little progress and it’s really, really hard.

Inspired action, on the other hand, is action that you take when you feel inspired to do it. This type of action is almost always accompanied by a rush of energy, and feelings of excitement, enthusiasm and joy. When you’re taking inspired action, you are in the zone – you are flying along at high speed and everything just flows. You will accomplish more in a relatively short amount of time than you ever realized was possible. You will work harder than ever, but it doesn’t feel like work! In fact, you might stop when you suddenly become aware that you’re hungry, only to look at the clock and realize with a shock that you’ve completely lost track of time, and you’ve worked the entire day and didn’t even know it! LOVE THOSE KINDS OF DAYS!

Examples of inspired action:

• You get an impulse and idea to do something, which usually comes to you naturally, easily and often at an unexpected moment.
• The action steps just make sense. You don’t have to justify them, they just feel right.
• You feel energized by the action, it doesn’t seem like “work”. You’re enjoying the process.
• You make a lot of progress very quickly and with little effort , you get a lot of bang for your buck.
• You are allowing things to happen naturally. Your action is just one piece of the puzzle.
• You are allowing the Universe to orchestrate events. You don’t have to control everything.

Bottom line is, inspired action feels good. It feels like playing. Like a beautiful sunshiny day!! You’re enjoying yourself. Things just line up for you, it’s easy, almost effortless.

Inspired action feels good!
Let’s recap:

Forced action feels forced. It takes a long time, it’s hard, it is definitely not fun, and there are very few real results to show for all your efforts.

Inspired action is fun, easy and joyful. There is a definite feeling of flow, and the Universe seems to go out of its way to make it all work out for you. You get massive results in relatively short timeframes, and, while you may be doing a massive amount of stuff, there is no feeling of work or effort involved.
“Your actions are your only true belongings.” ~Allan Lokos

Companies that encourage “action, action, action” behavior typically suffer high turnover/burnout and mediocre outcomes. People are edgy, frustrated and just plan tired. I have witnessed this and in the end the companies lose money, which never made sense to me as most companies are about making money.

I have chosen to do some inspired action. I am choosing a particular area of my work and I have chosen a task I would like to complete and I have written vision affirmation (I am acting as if the task has already been completed in an easy and effortless manner in my journal, you could use an index card, your phone, laptop), and I have read my affirmation out loud in my mirror to myself. I feel it, looked into my eyes and know that this affirmation is true!

In reality the task is already perfect and complete on the level of creation.

My job now is to bring its completion into physical existence. I am now paying attention to what the Universe whispers to me in order to being it to physical existence and completion, that impulse and idea to do something which comes to me naturally and easily. Those action steps that just make sense, I don’t have to justify them, they just feel right. I feel energized by the action, it doesn’t seem like “work”. I am enjoying the process.
Love Vanessa 💜

Important to Set Goals for “Your Career”!

It is amazing how many people who do not regularly set goals for their career or their life. If you want more success in your career, become a goal setter!
“Show me a stock clerk with goals and I’ll show you a man who can make history. Show me a man without goals and I’ll show you a stock clerk.” – J.C. Penney

At the end of every year, at the end of December, and the first of the next year, January,  I jot down my goals for the year and what I would like to accomplish in the year ahead. I normally also create a vision board. These goals are not set in stone and more of a guide that improve throughout the year.
“People with clear, written goals accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people who do not.” – Brian Tracy

Why set goals? Or Why is it important to set goals?

Setting goals for your life gives you a road map and a tool by which to gauge your progress. It conveys your desires to your subconscious mind and to the Universe. You are declaring your intention to achieve the goal and by a particular date. If you don’t achieve a goal by a certain date, don’t abandon the goal, just move the date and make whatever necessary adjustments. Even if you fall short of the goal, you will still be far better off than if you had not set the goal in the first place.

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.” ~Buddha

If you keep your dreams and goals in your head as so many people do, that’s the only place they will manifest.
Don’t let your goals scare you and set goals that cause you to stretch beyond your comfort zone and challenge you to step up. Goals that both excite and scare you!

This coming December/January,  I plan on sets goals for my spiritual ideals, my health and fitness goals, my business and career goals, my personal relationship and family goals, my social goals and my financial goals. From this I will make a list of everything I can think of that I would like in this coming year.
I am completing a picture of my ideal life in each area five years from now. This way my goals are aligned with my life’s vision. Once I have completed this ideal picture, I then write one-to-two year goals for each. Don’t rush yourself and enjoy the process!! Weeeeeeee

“The journey is the reward.” ~Chinese Proverb
I always write my goals in a journal, I am more the paper generation but you could always us a phone, computer, blog…

I also always write my goals in the first person and in the present tense: “I now have….” if I write “I will have..” that goal will always be in the future and not in the present and I will always be chasing it lol.

I am positive and grateful, ALWAYS! I start setting my goals with, “I am so happy and grateful now that I am ……..”

Just cause I do mine December/January doesn’t mean you have to too. You can set them today, tomorrow or whenever is best for you. Just set them!

What’s next?
“It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau

Next is establishing milestones and developing them. Read over your list of goals and, for each, write one or two milestones you can measure your progress. For example, what you will accomplish that year, in the next 9 months, next 6 months, next 3 months and next 30 days to move towards your desires. List whatever you can think of that you can do, and from this list you can determine the weekly and daily actions and activities that are necessary to move you in the direction of your ideal life vision. It is important to list one thing you can do immediately to get you started or going.

Don’t worry or be concerned if you’re not sure exactly what you’ll need to do to reach your goals. The Universe and God takes care of that.

Be patient and enjoy the journey. Be happy that you are moving closer to your dreams. Aligning your daily actions with what is truly important to you means you are becoming true to yourself and exploring more of your potential.
Love Vanessa 💜